Synopsis

I’ll be honest. I didn’t finish reading this book. Maybe that’s why┬áI’m writing a more lengthy post. Or maybe it’s just fresh on my mind. Or maybe I hate this book so much. Let’s get right into it. In chapter 3 (REALLY! that early in the book!) we learn that our story teller is infertile. It’s told in an oh-so-suspenseful way!

“I was three weeks late with my period. Which normally wouldn’t be a concern.

Except that I was infertile.”

If you’re wondering, yes, that last sentence was its own paragraph. Dun dun dunnn!!!

Great writing, dudes, great writing. So you find this out when she gets a message from her gyno with “results” from blood work AND an ultrasound. She thinks she’s dying, obviously. No, I’m not making that up. She really thinks her health is in some rapid decline simply because her infertile body is making her period 3 weeks late. Cool.

Obviously this foreshadows what’s to come. I even told my husband, “God dammit. I bet this bitch is gonna be pregnant.”

Well.

Spoilers. Of course.

After making it through the whirlwind of Part One in which her one-time lover is murdered by her husband and she is able to fuck with evidence to land the blame on some unfortunate Dominican dude who has a history of crime (obviously), we make it to “Part Two: COMPLICATIONS”, or what I like to call The Inevitable.

You guessed it! She finally talked to her doctor. Fearing the worst, she gets good news: she’s pregnant!! After doing quick math (ya know, just in case) she is sure it’s not her lover’s. Phew! But of course she has to explain how it’s just simply so impossible that she is pregnant – remember she’s infertile! How infertile? Get ready:

“Paul and I had only been trying to have kids for years. After an extensive round of fertility specialists and tests, we learned that a pH balance was producing an environment not conducive to conception. We’d tried everything short of fertility drugs, which weren’t recommended because I had a family history of ovarian cancer.”

There ya have it, ladies and gentlemen. Maybe they should’ve tried Pre-Seed.

I’m only assuming this goes on to include a happy ending as far as baby-making goes. Feel free to let me know what happens if you’ve read it. I’m done.

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